Burberry Prorsum Shoes Spring/Summer 2008

As a follow-up to today's earlier post, I decided to look more into those shoes from the Burberry Prorsum S/S 2008 ready-to-wear runway. Rather than ankle boots or shoes with netting over them, as I had suspected, it turns out that they're in fact sandals over socks. How horrifying!

The sole respectable pair of shoes on the runway were these, which are in fact ankle boots, but they're pretty ugly as far as I'm concerned:



But take a peek at the rest:





Are you not thoroughly mortified? Please ladies, I beg of you, never ever ever bring this style into fashion. Even Katie Holmes couldn't pull it off. I don't care if you're wearing $80 socks and $600 sandals, you're still just about as fashionable as this guy:



(Photo from this dreadful, inflamatory website dedicated to sandals over socks. Don't even click it; spare yourself.)

I mean, what's next? This? I shudder at the thought.

Quelle Horreur!

Annabel by Luichiny

For the record, this look is not the correct way to transition your Summer shoes to Winter, okay? ...even if they do come conveniently attached for you by Luichiny.

Quelle Horreur!

Leopard Pony Hair Studded Pump by Dolce and Gabbana

Oh, hello Aunt Gerty. I didn't realize I'd accidentally stumbled into your shoe closet. But why are these out? It's far too warm to be wearing pony hair pumps. Oh, you're packing for a weekend-long bingo tourney with the gals in Atlantic City? I see. Carry on, then.

But anyone other than my Aunt Gerty needs to seriously get their eyes checked (and their wallets confiscated) if they're thinking about purchasing these hideously embellished shoes. I don't care if they're Dolce and Gabbana. Heck, I wouldn't care if those are 2-carat diamonds emblazoning the toe. Considering that these sell for upwards of $700 dollars, I just want to know how on Earth such a reputable brand can make a pair of shoes look so cheap?

For a much more palatable version of the same shoe, click here.

Quelle Horreur!

Since it was a short week, we're skipping *Shoes in Review* in favor of your favorite and mine...a Quelle Horreur!

(In fact, I am planning to switch things up around here a little more often in 2009...not because I'm getting bored with this site, but because I've got so many other great ideas! I never meant for it to be all about shoe sales, all the time, but I got into a habit, into a schedule, and now I want to try out some new things. Just so you know what to expect!)

Here we are, the first Quelle Horreur! of 2009:


Kathie by RSVP @ 6PM.com

Is Mother Nature sick? Because I could swear she threw up all over these shoes. The overall shape isn't bad, but we've got florals, we've got mesh, we've got a bow and we've got a scalloped, pointy toe...it's a bad summer camp craft project. Although, I have to commend 6PM.com for marketing these as the 'perfect warm weather' shoes in the midst of January, because it takes a lot of guts to disregard your audience as well as the season. But even during the brightest, sunniest Spring day, no woman should be caught wearing these. What, dare I ask, would you even wear these with? A Hillary-esque green pantsuit? (I have a little test I use with extravagant shoes: two questions. Can I wear them with my LBD? Can I wear them with jeans and a black Hanes tshirt? If they don't cut the mustard on these go-to, basic outfits, then they don't come home with me.) Believe it or not, these also come in Blue and...Fuscia. Even over 60% off, these natural disasters are better left unshopped.

Quelle Horreur!

Sioux Khaki Cow Suede Moccasions, by Blowfish @ Lulu's

Now, I know that Blowfish shoes aren't necessarily traditional. But there's quirkyness, and then there's... these. Moccasion-style bedroom slippers, trying to pass themselves off as shoes that a person might consider wearing in public. (What kind of person, I cannot fathom.) (Okay, I can fathom; I'm just refraining out of tact. Hey, there's a first for everything.) And then to add insult to fugliness, there's the price. Sixty-seven dollars, for a pair of Sioux shoes. No amount of beads and suede can justify these being $67. Especially since the only acceptable purpose for these is shuffling down to the dorm basement to do your four loads of laundry, and then shuffling back upstairs to finish your paper on Yeats. And even then, that's what flip-flops are for, and those are $2.50!

Thankfully we know that Lulu's has a range of adorable shoes that make up for this one oversight. And Style Bard readers get to save 15% on their order with code: stylebard. But don't abuse your privileges! If you use that code on shoes like this, I will take that code away from you. Yes, I will. Don't try me.

Quelle Horreur!

Flaton by Donna Karan @ Shopbop

These are some shoegly (shoe+ugly) shoes! The thing that most offends is that Donna Karan is a woman of such taste, and I can't see how she condoned these. I know that some of her lines seem geared toward... women of a certain age... but those women deserve hot shoes, too! A general rule for shoes should be that they require one of the following: color, heel, pointy toe, shine or innovation. While these offer texture through the suede, there's just nothing else going on here. Nothing. I envision a peasant throwing these on in the pre-dawn darkness to head out to plow the fields for his master. And that's not Donna Karan aesthetic; I refuse to allow it. I don't even know if the Black is more atrocious, or the colorless version in Chromium.

If for some reason you're interested in purchasing these (a gag perhaps?) then you'll be happy to know they're now on sale for $99 ($98 more than I'd pay).

Quelle Horreur!

Taboo, by Pleaser USA @ 6PM

I realize that these may serve some purpose as... well, props or costume? I also know these have their niche in fetish shops, Halloween stores and Camden Lock. But there amid the noble and normal shoes at 6PM? I just don't understand. I didn't have any filters on for, say, S&M. Just 'dress shoes,' as a matter of fact. I don't think that these quite fit the bill the way a nice pair of Jimmy Choos would. I, um. I think I might be speechless for once. My favorite part of the landing page for these shoes is the large ad which informs us that we can save 10% if we buy these for Mother's Day. For Mother's Day. There's really no more that needs to be said about these extreme and irregular heels, except: please be careful. One death by shoes may ruin it for the rest of us.

Quelle Horreur!

Dyna, by Stuart Weitzman @ Bluefly

Even with the most atrocious styles, I can usually get behind the idea that those shoes were intended for someone else, and will look good on that person, and I accept it. After all, I sometimes have a controversial taste in shoes myself. However, I cannot manage to justify these. First of all -- Stuart Weitzman, I expect far more from you! I expect gilded strappy sandals, not orthopedics! The bandage strap definitely has its place in the annals of shoe trends, but these 'Dyna' (as in, someone's in the kitchen with...?) "wedges" just read: Granny. And even my grandmother dressed better than this. So save the elastic for the med peds, Stuart.

Quelle Horreur!

Bahia, by Cocobelle @ Shopbop.com

Self-proclaimed "fashion forward," this jersey elastic sock thong has so many things wrong with it I don't know where to begin. This is for those of you with CCAS, Chronic Cold Ankle Syndrome? Feel free to explain to me why one would ever, ever spend $60 on these nonsensical shoes (by calling them such, I feel I'm doing a great disservice to all other shoes). Especially the beige alternative. Oh, and one has to wonder what this style would do for cankles?