Shoes I Hate

We all know that 90% of this blog is an excuse for me to talk about what kind of shoes I love. That's why everyone knows that I'm obsessed with: 1) boots; 2) architechtural heels; 3) shoes with zippers; 4) green shoes.

But there's another side to that coin: dislike. As it's oft mentioned, I happen to hate sneakers. I also hate Crocs and Uggs. (And I mean this in a general sense, not when these shoes are needed for practicality, like hiking, gardening or trekking through the snow.) Here's another one for that list--and this may be the shoe that I hate most of all--fringe. I hatehatehatehateHATE fringe shoes. Behold the fringe mania of my discontent:



This trend hit the mainstream last year on winter boots before creeping up on summer shoes. But though these warm-weather variants call back to the very debut of the fringe trend, tell me: how absolutely fugly are these booties? I know I can't change your mind if you're a fringephile, since my very own best girlfriend insists on wearing her fringe-bedecked footwear out even to bars where we hope to meet men. But I beseech you, dear reader, not to wear anything with fringe, star-print cutouts and gives the illusion of cankles. I beg!



Why did someone have to staple that ugly swatch of fringe felt to an otherwise cute sandal?



This flip-flop is just as attractive--if not more so--without the fringe, yes/yes?




And these--sans fringe, these blood-orange beauties would be perfect for a cocktail dress, right? (Actually, on these heels, I can truly see the appeal of the fringe--to tickle your toes as you slide them on! Hey, that's fun!)




For that special occasion when just the top of your foot gets a wee bit chilly?




...because your ankles wanna go out dressed as little hula dancers, and you can't stop them?

Throughout the weeks as I painstakingly comb through shoe sales and shoe deals, I keep running into this loathsome trend, each shoe more ugly than the last. When I see the fringed shoes on the streets of New York City, it appalls just as viscerally. I have never seen fringe shoes that don't look utterly pointless. If I've ever found one pair that seemed half-decent, it was this bizarre blend of fringe sandal and boat shoe, from Payless:




There's something so chipper and Tiffany-esque about the coloring and design that you can almost overlook the fringe. Almost. At least it kind of sneaks up on you, other than these costume-like variations:




This is legitamately called "The Cherokee" by O'Neill. No joke. Someone tell me how this fits into the brand's surfer babe beach-bum aesthetic?






Of course, if you go all-out moccasin, it's more understandable to see the stamp of fringe, but then you're wearing a moccasin, so it's really pretty lose-lose.

When winter comes, I intend to do a secondary round-up of boots and booties with fringe trim. Assuming, that is, that the trend will persist in a few months' time. I'd like to pretend it'll just go away like a bad dream but, alas. If I cannot get my dearest and best friend to quit wearing fringe on her feet, I suspect my meager pleas and protests won't breach the masses anytime soon.